#7

[Location: Cobra Island. The usual suspects are gathered around a stainless steel conference table, deep inside the Terror Drome. Cobra Commander stands before a giant screen featuring the Cobra snake-head logo.]

Cobra Commander:  I sssssssuppose you’re wondering why I’ve called you all here today.

Baroness [sotto voce]: Oh my God.

Destro:  Please, Commander. Share with us your latest plan for world domination. We’re all very excited to be a part of it, I’m sure.

CC:  Yessss, Dessssstro. You should be!  As I see it, we have only one option left to us to compete with the ridiculous banal corruption that is currently plaguing the upper echelons of American politics.

[He gestures to the giant monitor on the wall, calling up a Power Point presentation. The giant, gold-snake-cowled head of SERPENTOR appears. This is met with stunned silence. Then –]

Baroness:  I thought Serpentor was dead.

CC:  We have a few stray cells tucked away in a flask somewhere, don’t we, Dr. Mindbender? We should be able to whip up a new clone in a jiffy!

Baroness:  Never let it be said we don’t recycle here on Cobra Island.

Dr. Mindbender:  Yes, I mean, I could probably take a scraping off something or other, or find a hair—

Destro: Did Serpentor even have hair? I don’t think I ever saw him with the cowl off.

Zartan [his feet propped on the table, picking at the tip of an arrow he just happens to have with him]:  I’m sure I could find a blood sample somewhere.

CC:  If we ever have any hope of drawing the attention of the world back to our own devious machinations, we must take drastic action—

[Everyone is shaking their heads.]

CC:  What.

Baroness:  Commander. Be honest with yourself. Will this really get any attention? Given what we’re up against?

CC:  You haven’t seen the rest of the plan! [He clicks to the next slide.] Step one: Create a new Serpentor! Step two:  Create a reality TV show starring the new Serpentor! Step three….

[One hour later.]

CC:  Step twenty-four:   Kidnap Hector Ramirez and force him to review the memoirs written by the new Serpentor!  Step twenty-five…

Destro:  Wait. You want a clone that was just created this year to write memoirs?

Baroness:  Really, Destro, you’re just now raising questions? You should have gone out for coffee with the rest of us.

Zartan:  You still have the same problem.  None of this can compete with what’s already happening.

CC:  All right. Then let’s have a look at Plan B:  Ninjas!

[He clicks the next slide, revealing a picture of Storm Shadow.]

CC: Step 1: Contact Storm Shadow! Step 2: Disguise Storm Shadow as the Easter Bunny at the Traditional White House Easter Egg Hunt! Step 3…

[Baroness produces a flask that was somehow hidden in her skin-tight jumpsuit and stealthily passes it around the table.]

 

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