[Location: Cobra Island. The usual suspects are gathered around a stainless steel conference table, deep inside the Terror Drome. Cobra Commander stands before a giant screen featuring the Cobra snake-head logo.]
Cobra Commander: I sssssssuppose you’re wondering why I’ve called you all here today.
Baroness [sotto voce]: Oh my God.
Destro: Please, Commander. Share with us your latest plan for world domination. We’re all very excited to be a part of it, I’m sure.
CC: Yessss, Dessssstro. You should be! As I see it, we have only one option left to us to compete with the ridiculous banal corruption that is currently plaguing the upper echelons of American politics.
[He gestures to the giant monitor on the wall, calling up a Power Point presentation. The giant, gold-snake-cowled head of SERPENTOR appears. This is met with stunned silence. Then –]
Baroness: I thought Serpentor was dead.
CC: We have a few stray cells tucked away in a flask somewhere, don’t we, Dr. Mindbender? We should be able to whip up a new clone in a jiffy!
Baroness: Never let it be said we don’t recycle here on Cobra Island.
Dr. Mindbender: Yes, I mean, I could probably take a scraping off something or other, or find a hair—
Destro: Did Serpentor even have hair? I don’t think I ever saw him with the cowl off.
Zartan [his feet propped on the table, picking at the tip of an arrow he just happens to have with him]: I’m sure I could find a blood sample somewhere.
CC: If we ever have any hope of drawing the attention of the world back to our own devious machinations, we must take drastic action—
[Everyone is shaking their heads.]
Baroness: Commander. Be honest with yourself. Will this really get any attention? Given what we’re up against?
CC: You haven’t seen the rest of the plan! [He clicks to the next slide.] Step one: Create a new Serpentor! Step two: Create a reality TV show starring the new Serpentor! Step three….
[One hour later.]
CC: Step twenty-four: Kidnap Hector Ramirez and force him to review the memoirs written by the new Serpentor! Step twenty-five…
Destro: Wait. You want a clone that was just created this year to write memoirs?
Baroness: Really, Destro, you’re just now raising questions? You should have gone out for coffee with the rest of us.
Zartan: You still have the same problem. None of this can compete with what’s already happening.
CC: All right. Then let’s have a look at Plan B: Ninjas!
[He clicks the next slide, revealing a picture of Storm Shadow.]
CC: Step 1: Contact Storm Shadow! Step 2: Disguise Storm Shadow as the Easter Bunny at the Traditional White House Easter Egg Hunt! Step 3…
[Baroness produces a flask that was somehow hidden in her skin-tight jumpsuit and stealthily passes it around the table.]